The other day, I was attending a workshop by Teal Swan , a New Thought leader specializing in human development, relationships, and trauma healing. During the event, she defined TRAUMA as any unresolved experience that caused distress or suffering. This experience can be experienced through a single moment, such as a car accident, or an ongoing experience (something that is experienced repeatedly over a certain period of time), such as the absence of a father, which can also be called chronic trauma.
The Normalization of Trauma
It is almost certain that any of us can identify a moment in our childhood when we felt distressed or afraid. An experience that, from a distance, may seem unimportant, but which influenced your personality, decisions, life path and even the way you see the world. Our adult version tends to minimize these emotions felt by the inner child or, worse, normalize the trauma experienced. The adult mind, more developed and mature, does not feel the trauma with the same intensity and ends up minimizing the experience, without accepting the pain of the child we were.
Consequences of NORMALIZATION
Normalizing trauma is a strategy to avoid pain and minimize it. However, by justifying the action, we minimize the impact of the trauma and emotions felt, especially unmet needs, being seen or being heard at the time. Emotional validation is the first step in the therapeutic process. Embracing the inner child and admitting that the situation experienced was painful is crucial for healing. Often, the hardest thing to overcome is emotional trauma. In the case of abuse, it is not the memory of the situation itself that causes pain, but the feeling that the child felt, of insecurity and lack of protection, on the part of those who failed in this role (the parents). And associated with this cames desilution - i can't trust anyone!
Fragmentation and its Effects
At the time of trauma, the subconscious develops ways of adapting to environmental stress, as a survival and copy mechanism. Teal Swan calls this FRAGMENTATION, an escape mechanism to avoid pain and discomfort, providing elusive psychological comfort. A child who is deprived of their parents' attention (due to the couple divorce, for example) may develop extreme independence as a form of self-protection, so as not to miss those that had always been there. In adulthood, this person becomes resilient, independent and tends to face life's challenges normally alone, without ever asking for help. But constantly feeling the 'weight of the world on your shoulders' and feeling like you can't count or trust anyone can become quite exhausting and overwhelming, even for your health.
On the other hand, this fragmentation mechanism also means that we sometimes adopt behaviors in which we inflict on ourselves the same type of action that the other person had on us, in order to prevent them from repeating that pattern again. For example, being the first to leave the relationship to avoid the risk of being abandoned by the other person, just like your father did when you were a child.
The Need for Healthy Relationships
We are beings who depend on relationships, with a need to give and receive, to belong and to feel supported. Living with the limiting belief that we don't need anyone or that it's risky to trust others is very unhealthy and not sustainable in long term. Triggers in adulthood, such as an illness or a breakup, can be reminders of unresolved trauma. Consciously inviting these traumas to be seen and revisiting them allows us not only to disassociate ourselves from the pain, but also keeping only the positive aspects developed from the trauma.
Role of Victim v. Resilience
Validating the emotion and recognizing that the other person failed us does not mean adopting a victim role and simply blaming them for their failure. Overcoming trauma is possible and there are many examples of people who transformed their victim stories into stories of overcoming. “Healing is nothing more than the transformation of patterns, transforming the pattern to its natural state or to the opposite of what it was before” – said Teal. Example, breaking a bone v. heal a bone; feel alone v. feel connected; misunderstood v. be understood. Ideally, we will go through this process consciously, so that the transformation is faster and lighter.
6 Stages of Trauma Resolution
Identify or recognize trauma
Get in touch with unmet needs
Support and validate the inner child
Understand that part of the personality was developed as a form of self-protection (fragmentation)
Reframe the experience, identifying learnings and developed habilities
Reprogram limiting beliefs, disassociate from pain and integrate all the learnings
Conclusion
Recognizing and validating the traumas experienced is an essential step towards healing and personal development. Through a conscious process, it is possible to transform negative patterns and live a lighter and healthier life. I invite you to reflect on your experiences and begin this healing process, embracing your inner child and validating your emotions. I'm here to help you with this process, if you feel like it!
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